Situation-Impact-Request
Communicate boundaries using three-component structure: (1) non-judgmental description of situation, (2) impact on you using 'I' language, (3) specific behavioral request the other person can act on—rather than character judgments or vague wishes.
When This Fires
- When communicating any interpersonal boundary
- When feedback conversations tend to escalate into defensiveness
- When you want to address a behavior without damaging the relationship
- Complements Acknowledge, boundary, alternative — this three-part… (acknowledge-boundary-alternative) and Use 'I think/want/believe' in relationship disagreements… (I-positions) with the specific linguistic structure
Common Failure Mode
Leading with judgment or wish: "You always schedule over my deep work time" (judgment + absolute). This ensures defensive response before the conversation begins. The three-component structure starts with shared reality (what happened), moves to personal impact (owned, not blamed), and ends with actionable request (something they can do differently).
The Protocol
(1) Situation (non-judgmental): describe the observable behavior or pattern without evaluation. "When [specific, observable event/pattern]..." — no "always," "never," character labels, or motives. (2) Impact (I-language): describe the effect on you, owned as your experience. "I [feel/lose/experience]..." — not "you make me..." or "you cause..." (3) Request (specific + behavioral): state what you'd like to happen, in terms the other person can act on. "Would you be willing to [specific action]?" — not "be more X" but "do Y." (4) Full example: "When our 1:1s extend past the scheduled time [situation], I lose the preparation time I need for my afternoon commitments [impact]. Could we set a timer at the 5-minute-before mark so we can wrap up on time? [request]"