Ask for behavioral feedback, not character evaluations

When This Fires

• Requesting feedback from colleagues, managers, or direct reports
• Running retrospectives or 360 reviews
• Asking a mentor for honest assessment
• Any situation where you want to learn about your blind spots rather than hear validation

Common Failure Mode

Asking "Do you have any feedback for me?" — the most common and least useful feedback question. It's too broad, too identity-adjacent, and too easy to deflect with "No, you're doing great." The respondent doesn't know what level to engage at, so they default to the safest answer: vague reassurance.

The Protocol

Replace generic feedback requests with specific behavioral questions: (1) "What do I consistently do in meetings that I probably don't notice?" (2) "When I explained the plan last week, where did you see me lose people?" (3) "What's one thing I do that makes your job harder?" Each question targets observable behavior, specifies a context, and makes it easy to answer concretely. The behavioral frame keeps responses at task level where they're useful, not identity level where they're threatening.