Ask 'what was your reasoning?' not 'why did…
In code reviews or technical evaluations, frame feedback requests as requests for reasoning rather than requests for justification—ask 'What was your reasoning?' instead of 'Why did you do it this way?'—because the first activates analytical explanation while the second activates defensive explanation.
When This Fires
- Writing code review comments that question a design decision
- Giving technical feedback in architecture reviews or design documents
- Asking about decisions in post-mortems or retrospectives
- Any technical evaluation where you want to understand before judging
Common Failure Mode
Using the "right" words while conveying the "wrong" tone. "What was your reasoning for this... interesting approach?" is sarcasm wearing curiosity's clothing. The author can tell the difference. Genuine curiosity requires genuine uncertainty — you have to actually wonder what the reasoning was, not just use the phrase as a polite wrapper for your judgment.
The Protocol
Before writing a code review comment that questions a decision: (1) Check your intent — are you asking because you're genuinely curious, or because you've already decided it's wrong? (2) If genuinely curious: "What was your reasoning for [specific choice]?" (3) If you have a concern: "I see [specific observation]. I'm wondering about [specific tradeoff]. What was your reasoning?" (4) Read the response looking for constraints or context you missed, not for weaknesses in their argument.