Lessons tagged “internal-negotiation”
20 published lessons with this tag.
You contain multiple competing drives
Different parts of you want different things — this is normal not pathological.
Name your internal stakeholders
Give names to the different drives within you so you can address them directly.
Each drive has legitimate needs
Even drives that seem counterproductive are usually trying to protect something real.
Internal negotiation is a skill
Resolving internal conflicts requires the same negotiation skills as resolving external ones.
Hear all parties before deciding
Let each internal drive express its concern before making a decision.
The internal mediator
Develop a neutral mediator voice that can facilitate between competing drives.
Win-win internal solutions
The best resolutions satisfy multiple drives simultaneously.
The tyranny of one drive
When one drive dominates all others the result is imbalance and eventual breakdown.
Suppressed drives do not disappear
Drives you ignore or suppress find indirect and often destructive ways to express themselves.
Internal conflict drains energy
Unresolved internal conflicts consume cognitive and emotional resources in the background.
The internal negotiation protocol
Identify the conflict, name the drives, hear each side, seek integration.
Short-term versus long-term drives
Many internal conflicts are between short-term satisfaction and long-term wellbeing.
Values-based arbitration
When drives conflict use your value hierarchy to determine which takes precedence.
Compromise versus integration
Compromise means both sides lose something — integration means finding a solution that satisfies both.
Internal contracts
Make explicit agreements with yourself about how competing drives will be satisfied.
Renegotiation when circumstances change
Internal agreements need updating as your life circumstances evolve.
Emotional validation during negotiation
Acknowledge the feelings behind each drive rather than dismissing them.
The veto power
Some drives should have veto power in specific situations — define these in advance.
Internal peace through negotiation
Ongoing internal negotiation practice leads to a state of internal coherence and calm.
Self-integration is the reward
Successfully negotiating between your drives produces a unified sense of self that is profoundly satisfying.